PaYaYa要有passion

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Anyone can tell me how to go through it?

It has been almost one week I still can't get out of it. Each time I look at the plants he gave me, they are still there, on my desk - either at home or in my office, I feel sad; Each time I work on the Macbook, it has his face, smiling there; Each time I park my car, it remind me days ago he gave me the parking distribution diagram, telling me no need to park aside, there's place for me in the parking...

I know there are lots of things I don't and I'm not able to understand in the world, but I kept thinking why he made such a decision. He'd gone, not because of any health problem, not because of any accident, not because he's too old... no one knows why until now. He just decided to kill himself, in the best season of the year.

I guess it's not the death itself that makes me feel so bad - yes at the begining it did shock me. I don't know how to explain my feeling now. it's like he's still there with us, everyday, every moment at work, he's there, quietly, as he was.

Can someone tell me how to make myself feeling better? I have to work, I have to go forward, but I don't want to forget him - he was such a nice person, such a nature lover, he brought me several valuable attitudes towards life and nature, he brought me several great concepts and ideas regarding what we were / what I am doing at work. Then he suicided himself. Why?

Two days ago, when making the first toast, our CEO said "we respect your decision, although we don't agree with that." Ye... anyone has the right to decide his/her life, I agree with that, but please, if you can hear me, please don't do this, could you please think it over?

It was his funaral this morning but I finally didn't go there to say goodbye to him - his wife said she don't want too many people there and I can't I just can't experience the moment to say adieu.

I avoid to talk about this at work, everyone avoid to say these kind of words at work unless one can't help to, coz any word could make the whole office sad and fill with tears. But I really need a way to go through that. Oh my god. I hope you are having a nice time in the heaven, that's the only words I can comfort myself now.